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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

ESPN Sportscenter

ESPN Sportscenter, ESPN Sportscenter Live, ESPN Sportscenter Listen Online, Sports, Talk Radio, USA

Yes? No? I don't know. I don't know! Just tell me what you want me to say, Deb. I'll say it. Go ahead. Okay, well, that is the problem, ESPN Sportscenter, because you say what you think I want to hear instead of what you really feel until it's too late! Too late for what?! Damn, I'm like Charlie Brown with the football. Online Radio, what have you done?! I'm not the one who left the garage door closed! Take some responsibility, Online Radio! Children are a blessing. ESPN Sportscenter Children are a blessing. Children are a blessing. Come on, Deb. Come on! Wait! Amber, how do I look? Terrible. Thank you! You okay? You want to watch "Love actually"? You know, for work. I would like that very much. All right, son. Voilà! You got me defunct technology? No, I made you a mix tape. Sometimes you just need a good breakup song to stew in your emotions until you disgust yourself and move on. This contains Taylor Swift's breakup songs to Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer, and, my personal favorite, frog voice Eddie Redmayne. Father! What?! He ruined "Les Mis"! Excessive closeups ruined "Les Mis," but that's not the point. I don't care about Taylor Swift's heartbreaks. She isn't feeling the hurt I'm feeling. No one has ever felt the hurt that I'm feeling! Oh, I don't know. She was pretty messed up after Mayer. That's it. I should write my own breakup song. I need to express my totally unique and onceinalifetime pain. And perform it for the masses! Wait, what? Carl, we'll need the stage cleared. We don't have a stage. Then build it, Carl! ESPN Sportscenter Ugh, Carl is the worst. The worst. Carl! Way to go, genius. Online Radio, I cannot take this behavior anymore. It's time for you to go back to being that delightful, rambunctious, fanciful Online Radio we all know and love. Oh, save it for Online Radio. He's everyone's favorite. What? Goodbye forever. I'm running away. Um Internet Radio Online Radio? What are you doing? Are you swimming? I don't think Internet Radio Well, it's a good try, anyway. I'll be in my room. Oh, boy. These movies make me crazy. If these people would just tell each other how they feel, then everything would be okay.

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