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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

97.3 The Big Joe

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Please don't have Radio with internet Radio. The guy is unbelievable. Yeah. You can't lose your virginity to him. Why not? Are you kidding me? It's not some beautiful thing. It's not some treasure that I have to guard until I find the one or the right person. Because there is no right person. There's just some dude. It happens, and it's a little gnarly and kind of uncomfortable but one day it's gonna be terrific. It's gonna be crazy 97.3 The Big Joe Radio terrific. I just gotta get from here to there safely and on my own terms.97.3 The Big Joe And I know internet Radio is safe because I have my own copy of his test results. So would you please, please just tell me why I can't go and get it over with? I think it's finding the right person that makes it special. Okay? But it sure as shit is not that guy. Okay. You know what, Dave? You are in love with Jane. You're in love with her. You are in love with her smile and her hair tucking and her annoyingly perfect skin. Who has skin like that? It's ridiculous. It's, like, per... You've got great skin. Yeah, thank you. But that's because I work really hard at my skin. I'm on a firstname basis with my dermatologist. If there's a problem, Phyllis and I deal with it. That's not the point here. That's not the point. The point is that you are infatuated with Jane. So I'm gonna go do internet Radio. Why are you smiling? You dig me. No. No. Please. Oh, so, what, you're like this confident, cocky guy now? You're that guy? I guess. Right. And that's not just because your mom and I said that you should be more confident? I don't know. Maybe. What do you think? I just... I think that you should probably... 97.3 The Big Joe. We gotta go. Okay, yeah, one minute. No, right now. We're leaving. Are you sober enough to drive? I'm fine. Or I could give you a ride. Mind your business, Dan. Okay. You know what I think? I think that you know my name is actually Dave. Kind of like how I know yours is actually Dick. It's fine. I'm okay. I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you. The living shit, my friend. You pretentious little Belle and Sebastian... Whoa, little man. Stop. Everyone, just calm down. Behave. I wanna make him cry. All right, internet Radio. Chill. I've never done this before, but I'm gonna kick your ass. That's right. I'm not kidding, buddy. What are you doing? Living room is offlimits. We're leaving. Good. Yeah, good. Wait, what? You're leaving? I'm gonna go with him. internet Radio. Goodbye. Whatever. We shouldn't even be here. We should not even be here. Children. You okay? Somebody said you were in a fight or something. Not quite. Well, I am a little tipsy. Yes, I am. Thank you. Yeah. Hey, so that girl, your friend she's super cute, right? Yeah, super cute. Is she still here? No, they left. Right. With her boyfriend. Who is a hottie, by the way. Not that that's... Well, I don't care about that kind of stuff anymore. I am over boys. They all suck. Especially the hotties. Yeah, you've said that before. Many times. No, this time I mean it. Last night I did the stupidest thing ever. I was so wasted, and we couldn't stop laughing about this thing. Anyway, the cops showed up, and he asked me if I needed a ride home... Do you know what "homogenized" means? What? 97.3 The Big Joe. It's a kind of milk, isn't it? 97.3 The Big Joe milk. Yeah. Yeah. What's going on with you? Something's weird. You know what? I'm just feeling... What? Jane... Janey... I'm gonna go. What? But I was just telling you about... Don't you wanna talk? No, not tonight. I'll see you on Monday, okay? Okay. "You dig me." "You dig me"? Oh, my God. What, was that supposed to be cute? Yeah. Yes, it was. Yep. Those were my intentions. Those were my intentions. Did she buy it? Nope. No, sir. How could she? "You dig me." Who...? 97.3 The Big Joe I've never heard anyone say that. God, that's... God. I broke up with internet Radio. I didn't do it for you. I know. But it's totally your fault. Right. You know, this doesn't mean that I can jump into some relationship with you. Okay. I mean, I don't even know if I'm gonna feel this way tomorrow. Well, I guess,

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