Friday, December 4, 2015
Nexus Radio- Pop, Online Nexus Radio- Pop Radio internet, Nexus Radio- Pop UK Radio
rings, click You've reached the presidential hotline. For George Bush press three. John Kerry, press four. Other options, press five. You don't like either one? Press five. beep Please hold. high-pitched voice hums U .S. national anthem rings and clicks imitates Clinton chuckles l knew you'd be back. That's right. You know you miss your daddy. Oh yeah. l'm such a dork. l don't care. But l have fun though. One thing you guys definitely made possible is l have the ability now to travel and l never did that. l never used to travel until l became a comedian. l'm like, Oh my God there's a whole other world out there. When l was hanging out in Florida, l got a chance to experience an amusement park that was a little different. lt was an alternative park called Gatorland. lt's a real park, and l've met the owners and they're really cool people but l gotta tell you : best part about this amusement park is they have a recording the funniest thing l've ever heard. You call this park, this is what you hear. phone rings and clicks male voice, Southern accent Yeehaw! You've reached Gatorland America's premier gator extravaganza. You've seen 'em on TV, now come and see 'em live. Gatorland. You're gonna love this park. Then he says this: Fer Spanish press two. laughter Oh. l gotta hear this. beep l don't speak Spanish but you're gonna love this park. l was dyin'! l called him like ten times. Aw, it's the best. l'm starting to sweat a little bit, huh. Too y, arrr. l don't care though l have a lot of fun you guys. You guys have made a lot of things possible. At the beginning when l first started coming here to Bakersfield to the Fox Theater, l used to go to this taco place, up the way called Taco Loco cheering and whistling And it's still there. l love food on wheels, you know. But this taco place has taken it to the next level. They're really really good there, they're not paying me nothing l'm just talking about 'em but l go to order and these guys were kinda, you know the girls were cool but the guys were mean. l try to order some food l'm like thuds Hello? And the guy is like, Què pasò, gordo wha' you want? Wha' you want?? Oh hey, dude, can l get two tacos, chicken and a Coke? Okay. What else? laughter That's it. Tsk, awww. Whatever, dude. But we had a lot of fun. We got to promote on a lot of different radio stations here in town to get the word out to you guys about the show. They try to get me set up on the Spanish radio stations and l've done that in the past and it was okay. But the last few times l had to say no because they put me on the radio with a guy who's like "from" Mexico. And l can speak Spanish but you put me up against somebody from the Motherland hoo! l walk in the studio, l'm dealing with this one guy, right? We go on the air and he's like speaks rapid-fire Spanish Que paso! que paso! que paso! l meet that same guy in the hallway, he sounded just like that. Oh hey, how's it goin'? Que paso? ! Are we on the air? No! ! Why are you talking like that? Porque si! And l freaked out 'cause you imagine this guy goes home talking like that to his wife and his kids? Come two, three o'clock in the morning his wife maybe wants to do a little "something" and she tells her man female Mexican accent Honey, tonight, when the kids are sleeping what are you going to do to me? Que me vas a hacer? speaks rapid-fire Spanish Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote! Si. whoosh Si. whoosh Si. whoosh Si. unintelligible està presentado por Pepsi ! S ì whoosh. l know somebody who doesn't speak Spanish is gonna go home and try it tonight. S ì. whoosh high-pitched female You better stop that. S ì. whoosh. Just have a little fun. Like l said you guys, l wasn't sure what was gonna happen. A lot of things have been happening over the years. This past year l had the opportunity to be on a reality show and things kind of worked out a little weird. Well but hey, all l can say is the winner is the winner, and he did what he did and he got what he got. But hey, this ain't bad for sixth place, is it? Huh? cheers and whistling Yeah l'm not the last comic standing but l'm the only one with a Comedy Central Special. laughs. l know my mom is here tonight. She's like speaks Spanish. l love my mom. She's over here, you guys. Just say hi to her. Mom. cheering and clapping Right there. That little woman made me. And she tells everybody, high-pitched female No, he came out of here. Ay, hombre, this is the road to success. She is not shy. She cracks me up though man. She likes what l do because it's working but she still doesn't get the jokes. lt's not that she doesn't speak English 'cause she speaks perfect English. She just doesn't see me as a comedian. She sees me as her son. l can't tell her a joke 'cause then she questions it and kills it. l could tell her something like, Mom why did the chicken cross the road? And l'll get, high-pitched female Who let out the chicken? lt's a joke. lt's no joke, baboso, you know how much l pay for those chickens? Never mind. No, you never mind. lt's cool though man. She's seen me do a lot of things. A lot of people say,
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