soldier working for Al-Qaeda and you're out there, you know, imitates l raq accent, unintelligible And he's walking toward him wearing shorts, laughter imitates l raqi accent, unintelligible Crikey! l raqi accent What is crikey? What the hell is crikey? And he's walking up to him Hey! Look over there, lt's an Al-Qaeda member. An l raqi soldier, one of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet. One push of a button and l'm gone! l'm gonna poke him with a stick. scream He's angry! laughter l think he's still angry. Yeah man this country, l love living here in the United States. l can't think of anywhere else l'd want to live. Some people say, Well you're Mexican. Wouldn't you rather live in Mexico? whistles, shouts Uh laughs. l love Mexico, just visiting just visiting. l like it right here. That's why it kind of bothers me whenever people go, female voice What is it like being a Latino comedian? l go, l don't know, l'm a comedian who happens to be Latino. female voice What's the difference? The difference is my special will air on Comedy Central not Telemundo. cheering lt's hard you guys, you know. Lo español. You speak a little Spanish it freaks people out. female Oh my God he's speaking Spanish. Don't get me wrong l like watching Spanish programming myself. Some of the stuff is really cool. My favorite thing are the commercials because they're always about. You don't even know what the product is until like the last two seconds. lt's always some model walking out all y, rhythmic music beat y female voice Hola. rhythmic music beat sucks in air Ay, què rico. laughter And on the th second shout and short gasp Pepsi. And you're sitting there, going l gotta go get a Pepsi. Oh ho yeah ! laughs Oh my God ! l have a thing for soda, l love it, man. l know they gave me water but female voice Oh a soda! l didn't even see that right there. Excuse me, un momento. laughter Pepsi. laughter No, that's actually diet, which is cool. l'm not on a diet, and it's funny because people go, Why then do you drink diet soda? So l can eat regular cake. l love cake, man are you kidding? By the way, l wanna thank the three people who brought me a cake personally. l have them in the back. l really appreciate it. That was very nice of you. The management and the promoters are freaking out there, like, Gabriel why do they all bring you cake? l go, Because on TV l talked about one time how much l love cake. And so people bring it. My friend Mondo got mad He's, like, Mexican male accent Why don't you talk about hookers? Somebody asked me earlier too, they said Gabriel when you get to do your special are you gonna do anything about the country, are you gonna talk about politics? Well l'm gonna talk first of all about how l love this country, and l wouldn't want to live anywhere else. l know that half the world right now thinks that our leader is the devil and most of us would agree. laughter He's not yeah. l don't have to make fun of the president. He does it by himself. Okay? whistling clapping He does it by himself. Every time he comes on TV, l can't wait to hear what he has to say. Especially during press conferences, high-pitched female voice M r. President. Question. lt's been over a year. What is your plan for Katrina? imitates Bush's voice Ha! We're gonna find her. laughter That's right. And we're gonna bring Katrina to justice. We have every reason to believe Katrina is connected to Al-Qaeda. Qaeda, Katrina, they both start with a "k." Our president got elected. I didn'.t vote for him but then again l didn't vote for the other guy either. l was just, like. How Bush won is beyond me. Americans, we love to vote but we don't vote for Presidents. We vote for things like American IdoI. Because that's fun. Voting for presidents is not fun. Voting for American Shebang ! Shebang ! That's what they should do for presidents. Just put both guys on TV for one hour, call it something catchy like "Who's Gonna Run This ?" You put 'em on TV for an hour, let 'em argue minutes into the special you put an number on the screen and say "Cast Your Vote." phone