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Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Radio Alt 360

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Oh my God. Luckily, they fumbled me and l got away. And people go, How do you come up with your material Gabriel? How do you come up with the things you're gonna say? Things happen to me and then instead of just going to a shrink, l suck it up and l come up here like when l did the joke about the freakin' Volkswagen l really used to own a Volkswagen. l didn't just go, Let me see if this is funny. l had a Volkswagen. No, l lived it. People go, Why do you wear Hawaiian shirts? l've always worn Hawaiian shirts. Bottom line is simple. Why do l wear 'em? 'Cause they fit. They're colorful and l'm sorry When you wear a Hawaiian shirt and you're living in the ghetto, people don't think you're up to no good. You're not a gang member wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Nobody's gonna take you serious, you know? deep black male Where you from? male Hawaiian accent Oh Honolulu eh. laughter You can't be hard and colorful. laughs Uh-uh. No way, man. And believe me, l've had my encounters. l had a little encounter one time on a plane. Some guy was getting a little weird and l'm like, Uh-uh no more for me. Every time l get on a plane, there's always drama. Always. One time l'm flying to Florida and our plane got hit by lightning. Uh-huh. The plane drops feet whoosh straight down. That was better than any ride you've ever been on. l don't care who you are, you could've been freakin' doin' years in prison you killed a hundred people, you can be the baddest toughest dude ever. When you're in a plane and it just drops out of the sky, gasps Woo! l was gay for five seconds. l'm not gonna lie! screeches weeping screech Oh l was a brokeback Mexican yes, l was. l was in touch with myself. lt was funny, man. Before l go, l got one more good story to tell you. l took a road trip about a year ago after l got rid of the Beetle in the SUV. Took a road trip from LA to Phoenix to go perform at this club. Let me tell you who was in the car. l'm driving l got my buddy Armando riding shotgun. He's another Fluffy guy, we call him y. Well l don't call him that, his wife calls him that. high-pitched Mexican female He's a y ! Anyway, in the back seat l got my friend Martin. Next to him is my friend Felipe. So we take off rrr we're on the freeway, we're passing all these l ndian casinos rrr whoops l ndian style. Sorry, we're stupid like that. Anyway, all of a sudden all these cars start passing me. rrr rrr rrr l'm getting annoyed 'cause l'm driving a loud truck horn. l said Next car that tries to pass me, l'm not gonna let 'em. So l'm looking in the rear view mirror, waiting looking waiting waiting and l see a silver dot. The silver dot turned out to be a little car with two hoochies in it. Some of you guys are going How do you know they're hoochies? 'Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going l feel a disturbance in the force. They try to go around and l cut 'em off. rrr high-pitched laughter l'm having fun they're back there light honk. Whatever! truck honk My friend Felipe is in the back seat yelling at me, male Mexican accent Fool what are you doing? Dude, don't worry, l'm having fun. Gabriel you're gonna get pulled over. Dude, l'm okay, it's cool. We're arguing going back and forth l'm not paying attention. l don't see a California highway patrol officer creeping up on us. All of a sudden l hear. l look at the speedometer: one oh two. audience ohhhs Oh l freaked out. screeches. l pulled over. r braking sound psssssst The little car that was behind me with the two hoochies, they got pulled over because they were going just as fast, rrr and squeak laughter l'm in the front seat of my car, freakin' out. Oh my God l'm gonna go to jail. l'm on the verge of tears. From the back seat, l hear my friend Felipe Fool what are you cryin' for? What are you cryin' for, fool? You're not the one with weed in his pocket, are you? You have drugs in the car? l told you to slow down didn't l? But no! Picachu knows everything. Shoot! Everybody roll down your windows. frrr frrr Air out the car. Mondo, fart. Do something man. The cop walks over to the window, looks in sees

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