the Vl P tickets l got last week. You walk in beers are eight bucks, lapdances are bucks, and then they trick you two for one, two for one, but then the song's over in one minute. What the hell is that? Who's doing the music here? DJ ComeQuick? This is bull. lt's horrible. That is why l like strip clubs in Mexico. That is the right there. cheering And if you haven't gone, you owe it to yourselves to take a vacation just to check it out. light laughter Everybody is welcome in the Mexican strip club. You got your wife, you got your kids, come on in they don't care. First of aII, there'.s no cover charge. There's a midget about that big just recruiting people. He's got horns, whistles, make it look like a carnival. Come on in ! You walk in no cover charge. Two-dollar beers. One-dollar shooters. Lapdances, bucks, but every lapdance has a happy ending. That is good times. You have got to be carefuI at the Mexican strip clubs. The girls look young. They're legal but they're barely legal. lt's like it's gonna be midnight and they're like seventeen and a half. lt's like, alright. lt's like a New Year's countdown. Five, four, three, two, hit the pole, baby, you're legal. l'm telling you one of these girls didn't even have high heels. She had tennis shoes. She was dancing little lights were coming on in the back. l'm Martin Moreno, you guys have been a lot of fun. Thank you very much. audience cheers Thank you ! Coming to the stage, a very very funny man you might have seen him at Que Locos, Latino Laugh Festival. Please a big hand M r. Noe Gonzalez. cheering inaudible Alright. Alright. Alright, l'm five foot three, fuck it, how you doin' everybody? shouts Alright. There's advantages to being short, right? Hell yeah l could get drunk quick. Two Bud Lites, l'm gone. laughter There's advantages. l could stand under a table when there's an earthquake. l could just stand there. You guys good over there? Yeah l'm good over here. The bathroom of the airplane, l fit in there. Tall people, you don't fit in there, huh? Your knees are hittin' the door like that. Not me, that's like my living room man. l'm like woo! This flight is takin' forever. Let me wash my hands real quick. One thing that sucks is that people always know what l am for Halloween. Tall people, you can fool your friends. You show up to the party, everybody's like, Who's Batman over there? l don't know, but there's Noe right there. Last year l dressed up as King Kong. My friends came up to me, Hey, you're Curious George, huh bro? Come here! So l was just watching the movie of exorcism of Emily Rose. Have you seen that movie? That's a scary movie, man because the devil could just pop into you at any time. l didn't know he could do that. You know, she was just walking down the street, How you doin'? groans That guy stayed with her, deep male voice Honey, l love you l don't care! groan And then his friends would get mad he would take her to parties, Hey dude, your chick is triping by the punchbowl look. laughter Nobody wants to drink punch bro, take her home. deep male voice Come on honey, let's get out of here. Only white people get possessed by the devil. l've seen the first two Exorcists movies, guys. Latinos, we don't get possessed by the devil because our moms would beat the out of the devil. Our mom with el diablo, speaks Spanish angrily. Traeme el tapatio, con el tapatìo se sale el diablo. Con el tapatio Hijo de la chingada! unintelligible. Speaking of the devil l just broke up with my girlfriend. Sorry about that. lt was hard man because she had cable. laughter Man she has N FL Preview, maybe l should wait till February. We're always fighting. We got in a fight at six flags. We were right there in line for Superman the ride. And there was these cholos in front of us, playing around with water guns, just shooting each other. They're psh psh Go Raiders, hey! psh psh laughter And some water started splashing backward right? She says, l'm getting wet, do something ! And l saw they were cholos, you know what l mean? So l was, like, Take it, ! laughter We just got us splashed you got drenched you didn't say nothing ! Now you want me to go do something? She says, Fine, if l get wet again l'm gonna go do something. l go, Oh. So an hour goes by, and the cholos they start playing around with the water guns psh psh and she got wet again female voice That's it! She ran over there, she had a full Coke. And she threw it on the cholos, You like getting wet, huh? You like getting wet? You like getting wet? l'm running behind her going No! ! laughter The cholos were standing there, all full of Coke, stunned all sticky, Then they looked at me, Hey, bro, control your ! l was, like, Whoa. See? l told you you were a. Didn't l tell you ? Hey, bro, l'm not even with her, dog. l don't even know what l'm doing here, l can't even get on the rides. Go, Raiders. So l just turned like years ago. All my friends pitched in they gave me a Harley Davidson for my birthday. lt sucked because l couldn't reach it. l took it back, tried to get it custom-sized they gave me a Moped. Moped sucks, they have like no power.