You're no' listening. Quiet! You've got four minutes now and I'm phoning the police. Carla, look, you couldn't stay here anyway, darling. Look, come with me. I'll take you someplace better than this. I've got a pal and he's got a flat, and there's a room in his flat and you can stay there. It's a ing huge flat and he's got a big room and you can have that, no rent. I'll sort that out with Sammy. You don't have to pay any rent or anything. Listen, it's a nice place, Carla, you know? Much better than here. And we can go tonight. Get you sorted out. OK. Aye, OK. Right, just go up the stairs. I hope Sammy's got milk. All right, man. All right, Sammy. Er radio Sammy, this is Carla. Carla, Sammy. In you go. What the are you playing at? Not now. Coast clear? What do you mean? Empty. Yeah. Good. Come on, Carla. I tell you what, sack your cleaner. Just can't get the staff. Don't you worry, Carla. We'll soon have this place tidied up. You sit there, darling. Sit there. Get this fire on, heat you up. I'll be back in a minute. Come on. That'll be breakfast for three, then, aye? Don't jump to conclusions. I'm not jumping to conclusions. It's just radio You're auditioning bridesmaids? Just thought you'd let the best man have a wee say who's who. No, it's Maureen's pen pal just flown in, aye? Who did she see? The groom to be, number . There you are. Oh, far be it for me to jump to any radio For 's sake, Sammy. It's no' like that. Ok? It's just radio I don't know what the it's about. I'm just trying to help a lassie out. That's all right. There's some tea, Carla. Thank you. Listen, I had a word with Sammy and you can stay here as long as you like. Sammy's a good man. Nicaragua radio is where I come from. Nicaragua? Right. Did I hurt you? Did you hurt me? No, I've had a lot worse than that. Are you sure? I'm sure. Crazy guy. Crazy dancer. All right, doll. ing stupid radio That's ing clever, mate. Did you see that there? See the way he pulled in like that? Are you blind? I had a ing indicator on! Do you not use your mirrors? I'm drivin' the in' bus! You shouldn't pull into a bus stop like that. Check your bloody mirrors! Why pull in? The taxi's there. I was pulling in past the bus stop. Do you not use your mirrors? I'm driving the ing bus. Passengers could be walking off there. Never mind your passengers! ing sorry. I'm asking for a bit of professional courtesy. Passengers could walk in front. Never mind them. Look at my back light. Away to . You use your mirrors. Your punter's ed off. You wee shite, get back here! You're paying for my back light. Let's try and catch him up. Open this door! Where are you going? Let's just go for a wee run. Open this door! Get this door open! My money's in that taxi! Open this door up! We'll try and find him for you. Are you off your head? My money's in that in' taxi! Calm down. Calm down. Shit. My money's in that taxi! Right, stop this bus right now! I'm taking you on a wee tour. Open this door! I want off this bus right now. A magical mystery tour. Open this ing door! Look, I'll tell everybody it's my fault. Just pull the in' bus in, will you? Want off? Aye, I want off. Sure you want off? Aye, I want off. Now, open the doors! You want to see a doctor. You're off your in' head. Aye, so people tell me. What are you waiting for now? You need to all get off the bus. It's out of service. I'm not joking. You need to get off. The guy's a pot head. We could have all been killed. Ho. Ho! Off the bus. What's the bus doing here? Just off. OK, OK. Where are we going? Please don't ask me questions. Why? No questions. "Better by bus. " There we are. Eh? Beautiful. Yeah. This mountain over here is called Ben Lomond. And this is Loch Lomond. It goes on for miles and miles. It's really beautiful. Yeah. I've been here hundreds of times. First I came here with my grandfather, my grandpa. I was just a wee, wee boy. He loved it here. The thing I like about it is it's always changing all the time, you know? The sky, the water, the ferns. I don't know. When I'm pissed off, it makes me peaceful. And then when I'm happy radio it makes me more happy. I don't know. I can't explain it. Anyway, let's have a seat. There we go. I've got a wee surprise. You like surprises? Yes. Good. A special treat. Da-da. You like this? Yes. I love this. Get it off. Yes! Here. OK, toast. Make a toast and you're bound to get good luck. To all my family, to all my friends, to all the world, to the band I play with, to the music, to the drinks. That's lovely. And radio to Antonio. Wherever he is. Your radio boyfriend? He was. And to Nicaragua libre. Free Nicaragua. Nicaragua libre. In a oner. In a oner. Oh, . Ya radio in' bastard. Go on, you bastard! it. it, it's no' working. It's freezing. Come up the back. It's warmer up here. Oh, that's better. Oh! Oh. Oh, your hands are cold. Cold. Yeah. OK? It only happened a couple of times, sweethart. And have you slept with her? No. Did you want to? For 's sake, Maureen. You've never ever lied to me before. Probably. I don't know. I hardly know her. What am I gonna do? Look, Maureen, you're my best pal, but radio I just don't want to marry you. I tried to kid myself on. I just can't do it. My God, you mean it. I wish I didn't but it's true. Maureen. Maureen. Maureen. Maureen. Come here, please. Carla? Carla? Carla? For God's sake. , , . ! God. . Get up, for 's sake. ! Oh, ing Jesus ing Christ. Oh, Carla. Come on. Shit. ing shit. Excuse me. How's the lassie? Well, erm, she's just been seen by the consultant and radio well, she's not responding as well as we'd hoped, so we're just going to give her a wee bit of help with her blood pressure. So erm, it'll be an hour or so before we know. Any chance I can sit in there? I'll check with the doctor. If you want to take a seat and I'll get back to you. No problem. How's she doing? It's close. Too close for comfort really. Jesus Christ. She's been through a lot. Twice in six weeks is more than most people radio What? I'm sorry. I thought you knew. Knew what? Well, she went through much the same thing six weeks ago. I was on call at the time, took her in. She's radio