WRBZ 1250 AM Classic Hits, Online WRBZ 1250 AM Classic Hits Radio internet, WRBZ 1250 AM Classic Hits USA Radio Maybe you should. Will you come tomorrow? Yes. I need to see you walk to the end of the hall and back with this. Then you can use the bathroom yourself. Marcus! Oh, hey Sonny. So Caudwell sent you? Yeah. yeah. It's something we do at the house, volunteer. He said you gave the okay to go into your room and get your books. I basically grabbed everything off the desk. Quite a room you got there. Yeah, it's deluxe. chuckle It was like a medieval inquisition. Except he was smiling most of the time. I think that's what annoyed me the most. You mind? Yeah, dig in. So you mixed it up with old Dean Caudwell? He's actually not such a bad guy, he's just a blowhard. He didn't make you move back in with that moron Foxman and that queer Flusser, did he? Huh? Uh, no. See? But then, he started grilling me about my beliefs, my social life, my principles. Mainly about Chapel. I tried to explain to him as clearly as I could, as rationally as I could, why the chapel requirement is unjust. I don't-- I don't know how you and your fraternity brothers take all that Christ stuff, week in week out? Chapel? Who goes to chapel? You pay somebody to go for you and you never have to get anywhere near chapel. Is that what you do? What else would I do? You know, I went a couple of times freshman year. They had a rabbi once, so I had to go then. Otherwise it's Caudwell and Donehower and all the other great Ohio spiritual leaders. So how much do you pay? For a proxy? Two bucks a pop. That's nothing. That's not nothing. Look. Figure you spend minutes getting off the hill and over to the church. An hour of subjecting yourself to chapel, and knowing you, you're seething with rage the entire time, Mm-hm. you're probably another half hour afterwards still seething. That's a hundred and five minutes, times forty, that's Games Four thousand two hundred minutes that's hours. Yeah. Right. And that's not nothing! sigh Alright. So how does it work? Well, the guy you hire takes the card the usher hands him at the door, and when he hands it back at the end he's signed your name on it. That's it. You think a handwriting specialist pores over each card back where they keep the records? No. All you have to do is pay somebody. Yeah, but who? Plenty of brothers willing to do it. And it's work. I'll find somebody if you want me to. I can even try to find someone for less than two bucks. And if this person shoots off his mouth? Then what? You're out of here on your ass. No one would do that. They'd be out, too. Look, it's a business, Marcus. Clearly Dean Caudwell knows what's going on? Caudwell's the biggest Christer around. He couldn't imagine why people don't love listening to Donehower instead of having the hour free every Wednesday to jack off in their rooms. That was a big mistake you made, bringing up chapel with Caudwell. Hawes D. Caudwell was the idol of this place. Winesburg's greatest halfback in football, greatest slugger in baseball, greatest exponent on earth of all things Winesburg tradition. Meet this guy head-on about this stuff and he'll make you into mush. You go around guys like him, Marcus. You keep your mouth shut, your ass covered, smile - and then you do whatever you like. Look, don't-- don't take everything so seriously. You might find this is not the worst place in the world to spend the next four years of your life. At least you're not in Korea. Plus-- you've already located the Blowjob Queen of . That's a start. I don't know what you're talking about. You mean she didn't blow you? You are unique. I still don't know what you are referring to. Olivia Hutton. Look, blowjobs are at a premium in north-central Ohio, as you can imagine. News of Olivia has traveled fast. Don't look so puzzled. Uh, I don't believe this. What's not to believe? Hm? She sounds like a bit of a nutcase. There's nothing wrong with that. I wish there were more of them around. I'll pick you up on Saturday. That's when you're getting out of here? You okay? Do you want me to call the nurse? No, no, I'm fine. I'm just in a little bit of pain. I'm okay. Yeah. Okay. I'll see you Saturday. I'll set you up with a cot at the house. door closes moans Ah! Now, I want you to tell me everything. Everything? Everything about what? About you. I want to learn all about you. I want to know what made you you. What about what made you you? You first. groan faucet running Well, I guess the shop made me, if anything did. Though what was made exactly I can't say I entirely know anymore. I've been in a very confused state of mind ever since I hit this place. Thank you. It made you hard-working. It gave you integrity. Oh, did it? The butcher shop? Absolutely. Well-- let me tell you about my father. Let me tell you about what he gave me in the way of integrity. We'll start with him. Oh, good. Story time. Well, every week, the fat man would come into the store and he'd pick up all the fat. And the fat itself was stored in a garbage pail. After the fat man came, I would take this can out front of the store and I'd wash it out. So one day one of the pretty girls from my class came up to me and said, "I stopped